A Work in Progress...

I've had a lot of things on my mind lately, and have struggled with settling on one topic to blog about. My brain tends to flit from one thought to the next without so much as a thread to hold them together. Sometimes I feel like I live my life this way as well. I'm flitting from one thing to the next, trying to find where I belong; searching for something that might be better for me or for my family. And for whatever reason, as soon as something starts to feel comfortable, I flutter on to the next hobby to obsess over, the next system to implement, or the next "opportunity" to get involved in. I often ask myself why I am such a glutton for punishment, always moving on and taking on something new just as I am finally beginning to feel settled. Some people might conclude that this is because I cannot commit to anything long-term. Others might think I must be going through an identity crisis. Maybe a few might even view this as being a "life-long learner!" (I prefer the last opinion, personally!)



As I observe the people (friends, family, aquaintences and perfect strangers) around me, I draw my own conclusions about what their lives must be like. I imagine what it would be like to live inside their bodies, and think the thoughts that they think; to feel and understand the feelings their hearts generate. Strange? Probably, but hear me out. Curiosity drives us to understand what it is that makes a person tick. We all form our own ideas of how and why people operate the way they do. But truthfully, there is no way we can possibly know what that person is thinking, despite how much we think we know about them. They might not even know what they are thinking! For crying out loud, they might not even be thinking, but rather feeling their way through their actions and words.


In a recent lesson by Beth Moore from her "Wising Up" study on the book of Proverbs, she emphasizes that God is the only one who can truly know our hearts. He is "closer to me than I am to myself," interior intimo meo. When we say or do things that might seem uncharacteristic of who we think we are, even WE don't understand what makes us behave a certain way sometimes. I don't really understand why I said what I said...I just said it! God is the only one who can discern the why that leads to the what. Sometimes he reveals it to us, sometimes he hangs onto it, saving it for another life-lesson later on.


This makes me think, what conclusions have people drawn about me and my life?

How do people perceive my heart to feel like, and my mind to think like? (Or am I the only weirdo that does that?)

Have my motives or intentions been misunderstood?

Have my words been misinterpreted? Or maybe I misspoke, without even giving it a second thought.

Do I practice what I profess to believe?

Does my mind appear to be set on all things true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable excellent or praisworthy?

Do my actions reflect those thoughts?
Hmmm... yes and painfully, no.

I am learning to embrace the idea that it does not matter whether people in this world approve or disapprove of me and my choices, its God's approval that I seek. And He just happens to love me regardless! Still I fall into that same old rut, self-conscious of what others think about me. Then it dawned on me...it does matter what others think of me, because as a Christian, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. If I am a follower, then it is my responsibility to act and speak in a manner that is worthy of Jesus.

Sometimes I catch myself speaking before I think, and I need to remind myself of Proverbs 18:2, "A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions." Well I know one thing is for certain, I do not want to be classified as a fool! My mouth has gotten me in trouble a time or two before (darn tongue). Satan uses the tongue to divide people and to pit us against one another. Nothing pleases him more than when a relationship is damaged. Our words can cause a wildfire ain't nobody puttin' out! Once the fire's burning, one can neither control, nor reverse the damage that's been done. That's the extreme power of the tongue. Choose your words wisely. Let us not allow him the upper hand in ruining a once healthy relationship. James 1:19 tells us, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." I know this, yet fail to practice it sometimes. How about you?

A couple verses later in 1:22 & 26-27, James says"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says... If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless...keep oneself from being polluted by the world." I think that pretty much sums it up! Do what it (the Word) says or your talk means nothing without the walk!

I am seeking first to understand. When I perceive a person to be upsetting me, I'm choosing to pray before I speak, rather than give them a piece of my self-righteous mind.

The following verses from Proverbs have been great one-liner reminders when I am tempted to become annoyed, angered, or to retaliate with my tongue. I don't get it right all the time, but I get it right more now than I did several years ago, thanks to being in God's Word on a regular basis and trying to do what it says!

"A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult." Prov 12:16

"He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin." Prov 13:3

Please don't misunderstand my heart, I am writing this as someone who struggles daily with my thoughts and my words. I do not profess to have conquered mindsets and habits that have been solidifying for 33 years. God has called me to be transparent about my struggles, and how He is helping me to break through the thick layer of sin and muck, bit by bit. I am a work in progress. And this is a HUGE improvement...years ago, I might have just been considered a real "piece of work." ;)