I love nothing more than being in a quiet, clean, peaceful, organized space. I can hear myself think more clearly. I imagine myself enjoying a cup of Stone Creek Coffee while I read, or knit, or stamp, or whatever hobby I choose to pick up for the day. Everything feels under control, and I feel good about myself in that space. I am in complete control.
Unfortunately, for me, this space does not exist in my life as I know it. With 3 kids ages 6, 5, and 2, and a husband who works very long hours, I only dream of a day where I am in complete control! I swear, I thought mom was supposed to be in charge here!!!!
I always thought, when Sean and I decided to have kids, I would be the kind of mom who wouldn't let my kids get away with disrespect or disobedience. They wouldn't be allowed to trash the house and get away with it. My kids would learn, through whatever means necessary, right from wrong. I've learned that it's not so simple to produce little soldier children who think and act like they should 100% of the time. I guess I was holding them to a higher standard that I hold myself to!
Being a stay at home mom has its ups and downs. It's a true blessing to be able to stay at home, but I've found that it's far more difficult than I ever imagined it would be. Actually, I never imagined I would EVER be a stay at home mom in the first place! As a young adult, having children wasn't really something I dreamed of doing. I dreamed of dancing in Janet Jackson's music videos, of being a "Fly girl" on In Living Color, and of singing and dancing on Broadway! ;) Now, I cannot imagine my life without my husband and kids. God has shown me, through this role of being a mom, what really matters in life. He's also shown me that what I thought really mattered to me in my life, was getting in the way of my being a better mom and wife. I am thankful for that intervention.
My home is as neat as I'm able to keep it with three kids and a husband undoing everything within moments of getting something done. (So far, I've been able to cope without the use of prescription drugs!)
I think I've developped ADD as an adult, and I don't think it's any coincidence that it began after I had kids! Some days are good, some not so good.
I'd compare completing simple daily tasks with 3 kids at home to working in an office. An office where some jerk is constantly pulling the keyboard or mouse out from underneath your hands every time you think its safe to actually accomplish something. Meanwhile, the whole office is snickering as they peer around the walls of their cubicles. (Those office snickerers would represent grandparents, giddy that you are finally on the receiving end of what you delivered to them for 18+ years!)
On occassion, before getting out of bed in the morning, I remind myself of how many hours before the kids go down for a nap.
Some days I am reminded that it's 5 o'clock somewhere.
But every day, I have the unconditional love of my family. A supportive husband who works hard to take care of his family. Three precious babes who give the best hugs, kisses and notes a mom could ever hope for. And Charlie, the coolest little shih-tzu who ever lived!
In the chaos of life that surrounds me, the only choice I have at this point is to accept it. I've tried fighting it (the chaos), but seriously, I GIVE UP! It's a losing battle that I am not fit to fight! I've resorted to a new strategy that seems to be more effective. I am giving up my control in the situation and giving it to God; He's far better suited for the job than I ever was in the first place. I surrender!!!
There are days when I am convinced that there are just not enough hours in the day to get done what I need to get done. But then I discovered, God gives us just enough time in a day to complete what He desires for us to complete, and no more. Wow! So my to-do list is longer than God's? Well that's just awesome news! I'm so glad I'm no longer in charge! I could get used to this!
I am giving up control, slowing down (really, I swear I am), and attempting to learn whatever it is I am supposed to learn from the "incidents" I face throughout my day. Heck, maybe pulling the rug out from under me is the best way to get my attention! God knew how to get me to finally give up control...making me realize that I don't have the ability to do this job on my own was effective, to say the very least.
Nugget of truth for today:
"He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe."
Proverbs 28:26
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